I was glad to sing at an Evensong service with Vivamus recently. The picture accompanying this post is a snapshot of our very intense, but very exhilarating, rehearsal beforehand, where we finalised all the last bits and pieces we needed to know. But I’ve only ever done a couple of Evensong services. I’m not really familiar with how they work. So during the service, when everyone suddenly began reciting a prayer with word-for-word accuracy, or they all simultaneously turned to face a particular direction, I was a bit lost and bewildered. I barely even grasp how the Psalms or responses work, after all. It’s all an entirely unfamiliar world to me.

I was born into a Hindu family, so I didn’t grow up with Christian church services. I did theology as part of my undergraduate degree, which included study of both Christianity and Hinduism, but I’m not actually religious myself. In fact, I’ve been agnostic for about twenty years. I don’t pray. I don’t worship. I don’t believe. So what business do I have participating in Evensong, or indeed singing any of the many religious choral works in Vivamus’ repertoire?

It’s easy to feel like an imposter when everyone’s doing or saying something you don’t understand. It’s as though they’re all speaking a foreign language. But whenever I feel out of place in a service, I remember why I’m there: to sing. When we perform a piece, I’m once again confident in what I’m doing (well, when I’ve done enough practice, that is…). I’m part of the community once more, a community that transcends faith or religion, or lack thereof. Even if the words are about worship or religious stories, the music itself conveys the universal human experience: love, devotion, fear, joy, hope. When I’m singing these pieces with Vivamus, it’s impossible to feel like I don’t belong.

I’m not sure whether or not there is a God. I personally feel it’s outside of my comprehension to truly know. But I do know that, if there is a God, their existence is manifest in music. It’s in that ethereal quality of us all singing together. It’s in the intensity of emotion, the range of feeling from peace to majesty, from grief to hope, from death to life. It’s in melody and harmony, discord and unison, in the one language that we all understand whether we believe in God or not.

I may be agnostic, but when I sing, I think it’s about as close to God as it’s possible to get. And if God is out there, I think they’d want nothing more than to see us all revel in the joy of music.

Find out more about Vivamus’ upcoming performances – both religious and secular.

Post written by Swéta Rana.